all my thoughts about finding a job are undue stress.  i HAVE a job and wil begin work soon enough.  I haven’t done yoga/taichi for i think 11 days now.  2 weeks.  all on a count of a bad night drinking, with an even worse hangover.  i know ive said this before, but never again.  i owe my body more love and care than that.  what horrible disrespect to one’s self to take months of dedication and love and hard work only to destroy it for one paid for – unpleasant noght.  admonishing self.  and grateful to have found my path once again.  i just finished my hour of yoga and taichi, and cannot wait to find new teachers.

i had many a lucid dream last night..  howards farm with frank and other wwoofers i hadn’t ever met before..  morphed into me playing a guitar with a bunch of ‘friends’  -i came up with a song and declared i would never remember it unless we wrote it down..  they helped me understand writing music -i haven’t practiced in over a decade..

there was another bit of dreaming involving much flying, and yet anotherwith car/boat chases…  i need to pick up some practices when it comes to dreaming -so as to remember them and record them.

i realize my grammar and sentence structure are not perfect, but it’s been a while since i regularly have written.  in time it will improve, don’t worry.

gratitude song..

-for all my teachers, lovers, and comrades

-for all my guides, truths, and experience

-for my health, talents, and healings

i give greatgreat love and gratitude

mahalo

on my way to the beach, i called a friend(phillip) to see if he wanted to get some lunch.  no answer.  i stopped in a gas station for a 10$ pair of sunglasses, because the ones i was wearing i could sell on ebay for 80$.  time is money?

on i went to the beach.  i found a little shady spot on the soft grass (i didn’t feel like getting all sandy), took all but my trunks off, and lied down.  5 minutes passed and some cop like lady started harassing me for being on the grass.  apparently she was worried for my safety because they ‘medicate’ the grass.  agreeing with her that i didn’t want to be medicated by the grass, i jumped up, grabbed my bag and headed for the water..  now.  at some point i must’ve taken my phone out of my bag (the bag i will be selling tonight -too many fucking pockets.  i lost my passport in there today too..) and i’m thinking i left it on the grass.  anyway, made it down to the water, took a dip, and went back to my bag looking for my phone -i was going to try phillip again.  no phone. and now, 8 hours later, still no phone.

…

im thinking to myself rightnow, why?  as minimalized as i have become, as broke as i am, as in need of a job -and a phone to contact these peeps as i am, why would this happen?  somebody needs to invent ‘tone fonts’ because rightnow im not feeling sorry for myself -at all.  i think this is an interesting develpoment.  why has the communication device been taken from me and given to a stranger who cannot use it?

so i went searching the internet to find an answer first, to the primary -can the gps find my phone? -apparently if i had purchased ‘mobileme’ for 40 bucks there is a ‘find my iphone’ app available.  then on to check out new phones..  how much $$ i had in the bank etc.  as it happens, some creditor decided to write themselves a check in my name twice in the last 2 months, giving me 2 overdraft fees.  this immediately tells me to redeem my st raw man.  primary focus tomorrow night.

but then i think, finish selling off all unused toys/clothes etc., decide what EXACTLY you want to do, and just go.  throw yourself at the mercy of earth mother universe.  i STILL think i need $$ as a backup plan..  the world is trying to convince me otherwise..

umm, i need guidance.  help, please help.

Seems to be a theme.  I haven’t really known ‘where i’ll be next week’ for months now.

Right now I’m living in a wwoofer cottage on the north shore of Oahu, Hawaii.  It’s safe to say i love it here.  I’ve been working for farmers and working for myself (to be discussed in greater detail later).  i have been living without having to spend money for lil over  3months.  man, i type slow.

i’ve been waitn for the cruise line to call for about 7 months -telling me the job ive been hired, for is finally available. after all this living, i feel like ive found a part of the world i can love and learn in.  we’ll see.  who knows if i’ll ever get on the boat.. or if i’ll find a job/apt in honolulu and start my life over again -finally, for the last time.

I’ve been processing what it means to be me.  what it means to be human on earth.  what it means to have sex.  what it means to be celibate.  what it means to eat healthy.  what it means to live in ignore-ance.  what it means to live in truth.  what it means to live in our economy with the st raw man unredeemed.  what it means to redeem the fellow.  what it means to live with plants -growing daily, eating daily..  how maximized one acre could be.  where on earth to work that acre.  superfarm.  could i buy 1 acre after a year, set up a lean-to house and farm.. keep my job and in another year buy a condo to rent out.. to help income etc?  where were my parents with guidance 10 years ago?  i could be running businesses right now that could be saving the world in 5 years..  who knows, i still may.  ‘masterplan charlieboy’ is what i keep telling myself.  -but then again, living without the plan is what has brought me to this beautiful stage of realization.  gotta poop

the ocean has personality here.  she has been acting up quite a bit since i’ve been here.   then again i’ve never been here before, so i don’t know if this is normal for her.

living without a plan is where i have to stay for a little while.  it may become my lifestyle altogether.  planning has always kept my mind working in a different direction than my spirit.

there was a moment today where i realized ziggy was very right.  he mentioned -the mind has an antagonistic property to it that nags you from doing something beneficial to you.  well, mine does anyway.  if i wake up early, i think, ‘hey charlie, do some yoga..’  to which my mind replies humpf! and convinces me to roll over back to sleep.  or in ziggy’s case, he would think, ‘hey ziggy, lets go meditate for an hour..’  to which his mind replied ‘i don’t wannnna’.  I know yoga is going to help me feel great, and put me on the right path as i start the day, as ziggy knows meditation will calm his senses and allow him to reach a quiet place of inner peace for a moment.  EVEN as we know these things to be true, we allow our minds to be dominant -and ridiculous.  No mo Jose.  On to the good vibes.

to have access to infinite possibility, one must live with formal uncertainty. i have no plan, nor do i desire any. i live in contentment with all that i am, and it is with this i sharpen my wit..

Love, mahalo, aloha

Bananas and Peaches.

There was a point where I was in contact with several black cats (4?), and they were there to teach me something…  I was on my way to get some vegan breakfast items for my newest love interest (?), Bananas and peaches were part of the menu.  As I made my way to wherever I would find breakfast (i never did…)  I made contact with these very interesting cats.  I began to ‘play’ with the cats, and they would not so much scratch me, as they would sink their claws into my skin.  there was no tearing of the skin, just the sinking in of claws.  There was something to be learned in the contact of my flesh, and their claws.  At one point, several of the cats were all just hanging out with me, and as if it were planned, simultaneously sunk claws into my arms.  It sort of freaked me out.  I could feel it as though it were really happening, and I awoke to the sound of me reminding myself, out-loud, that I needed bananas and peaches.  Funny in retrospect, someone talking in their sleep about  nanas n peaches…
As I was waking, I remember the looks on the cats faces -as if they didn’t want me to leave
… like we had much more to do…  I wanted to return to them immediatley upon re-entry into dream-scape, but they were not there for me to find… I ended up finding my unknown girl, and a mess of drama I can’t quite reconfigure.

I’ve been having amazing consistancy with my dream activity.  I never write anything down, and I’m not sure i should.  The funny thing is, I feel as though I am a child in these sequences, and all other characters are my older brothers and sisters.  I have lucidity some of the time, and awareness but not control at others.  I’m looking for guidance.

So…

My philosophy class this past week has been discussing language and the origins therein.  The arguments lead on with the ideas that either thought inspires language, or language inspires thought.  it seems it has been difinitively proven that language inspires thought.  Thoughts?   I later interjected with a, sort of, esoteric unknown force in the form of waves that group trends of thought like positivel/negatively charged ions/particles that are attracted to/ repelled from any particular electromagnetic brain…  to be discussed…

hmm, I’m going to do this more often, and not correct my spelling mistakes.

Word.

Here are the links to the two.

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/03/02/opinion/02berenbaum.html?_r=1&oref=slogin

http://www.livescience.com/environment/070228_beijing_anomoly.html

I’ll be back to discuss…

Love