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Uncertainty.
Seems to be a theme. I haven’t really known ‘where i’ll be next week’ for months now.
Right now I’m living in a wwoofer cottage on the north shore of Oahu, Hawaii. It’s safe to say i love it here. I’ve been working for farmers and working for myself (to be discussed in greater detail later). i have been living without having to spend money for lil over 3months. man, i type slow.
i’ve been waitn for the cruise line to call for about 7 months -telling me the job ive been hired, for is finally available. after all this living, i feel like ive found a part of the world i can love and learn in. we’ll see. who knows if i’ll ever get on the boat.. or if i’ll find a job/apt in honolulu and start my life over again -finally, for the last time.
I’ve been processing what it means to be me. what it means to be human on earth. what it means to have sex. what it means to be celibate. what it means to eat healthy. what it means to live in ignore-ance. what it means to live in truth. what it means to live in our economy with the st raw man unredeemed. what it means to redeem the fellow. what it means to live with plants -growing daily, eating daily.. how maximized one acre could be. where on earth to work that acre. superfarm. could i buy 1 acre after a year, set up a lean-to house and farm.. keep my job and in another year buy a condo to rent out.. to help income etc? where were my parents with guidance 10 years ago? i could be running businesses right now that could be saving the world in 5 years.. who knows, i still may. ‘masterplan charlieboy’ is what i keep telling myself. -but then again, living without the plan is what has brought me to this beautiful stage of realization. gotta poop
the ocean has personality here. she has been acting up quite a bit since i’ve been here. then again i’ve never been here before, so i don’t know if this is normal for her.
living without a plan is where i have to stay for a little while. it may become my lifestyle altogether. planning has always kept my mind working in a different direction than my spirit.
there was a moment today where i realized ziggy was very right. he mentioned -the mind has an antagonistic property to it that nags you from doing something beneficial to you. well, mine does anyway. if i wake up early, i think, ‘hey charlie, do some yoga..’ to which my mind replies humpf! and convinces me to roll over back to sleep. or in ziggy’s case, he would think, ‘hey ziggy, lets go meditate for an hour..’ to which his mind replied ‘i don’t wannnna’. I know yoga is going to help me feel great, and put me on the right path as i start the day, as ziggy knows meditation will calm his senses and allow him to reach a quiet place of inner peace for a moment. EVEN as we know these things to be true, we allow our minds to be dominant -and ridiculous. No mo Jose. On to the good vibes.
to have access to infinite possibility, one must live with formal uncertainty. i have no plan, nor do i desire any. i live in contentment with all that i am, and it is with this i sharpen my wit..
Love, mahalo, aloha
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